Pink T.V Stand {poem}

Pink T.V Stand

I am in the back room, drinking cold coffee in the dark. It's 8:30 friday night. and
dancing to synth-pop
over the internet
my arms above me
and I below them

the rain has come
and gone

and there is nothing you can do
to change the flavor of his breath.
we all make light
of what Ronnie
has been
through

we haven't heard from him in a while
he
was last seen at payless shoes
looking for new
running shoes
he left the old pair
in the back of
his van.

Jesse said he was ok,
but it had been a while
since she heard from hom too.

And Josh keeps asking
me down for smoke breaks at work
and I don't smoke
so I just stand next to him watching him
blow the smoke into the wind
thinking it won't get all over me.
it does
I don't mind

He starts a sentence then mumbles
about his
chain smoking
and grabs another Parliment from his
back pocket. his eyebrows raise when he notices
it's his last one

I try to avoid the topic
of his girlfriend's son and ex-husband
but we always end up talking about that.
again his eyebrows arch upward
as he mentions he should really stop
smoking

I joke that I should start smoking
Josh offers me a cigarette, polietiy
I gently
decline
telling him I have an iron lung
"really?" he asks

everything on the street is moving
as fast as it can
pushing and crashing forwards
faster and further into whatever
it is that needs to be crashed into.

I'm there next to Jesse in line at McDonald's
when Ronnie updated his facebook status to
single
She is next in line to order
and crying

I take her hand as we walk up to the counter
and order
for her.

Little Plastic Toys {poem}

Little Plastic Toys

The carnivals from which came have now all
packed up,
leaving behind the tallowed perfume of rv exhaust,
of stale hay in the parking lot behind the hospital.

What has fallen
now lays broken,

without a guardian to
reassemble
the hero-light
to which it spills.

And the rain shall pass
overhead
in a quick blanket
of dark coils

and we hope with the
coming winter
the snow maintains
to the earth
so that we can return in the spring.

I have, without,
remorse gathered the leaves
around her
tightly and caustic.

The harvest has been excused
tonight.
the wet roots lay undistrubed,
the blueprint
unaltered.

The direction of her voice
remains
static
we travel together
unassisted by light.

angel-things
keep the damaged
warm within their
wings.

How do you celebrate
a sacrifice
for which leaves no trace of the
host being
intact. There are no dust puddles
to be written into history.
Nothing but an engnamtic gasp
paused in the infinity
of light.

Never have the animals roamed so freely
never have they been so
hungry.

music I've been listening to

I just discovered 2 new synth pop bands that are amazing. I was listening to the college station out here called KXLU 88.9 and on Part Time Punks the DJ was just about to sign-off when he threw out the name of a French band titled Box and The Twins. I found them on Bandcamp. They play a lot of synth pop and are totally awesome. The other is a band, I think I like more, they have a deeper synth sound and the singer is more smooth they're called Hante. So I've been listening to them a lot. They both remind me of The Cure, which by the way I need to start listening to again - I don't know why I stopped listening to them, well, actually I do - I was getting to the point where I was listening too much to them and didn't want to get sick of them but I think I'm ready for them again. So here's a list of the bands I've been listening to lately, no order:
- Box And The Twins
- Hante
- Marine Girls
- The Fall
- The Knife
- Fever Rey
- Felt
- Trisomie 21
- The Cure
- Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass
- Miles Davis
- John Coltrane
- Jeff Buckley
- Ariel Pink
- Former Ghosts
- Tom Waits
- Robert Goulet
- Chet Baker
- Jon Barba (aka Nicole Kidman)

man, there are sooo many more, but that's what I've been listening too lately. I've got a little side project I'd like to start. It's a noise band but I don't have the right equipment for it...but now that I think about it - maybe I do
I'll keep you posted.

bomb threat at work

nothing really adventurous happening. well actually, I almost forgot - we had a bomb threat at my job yesterday. I was driving into work and noticed traffic was being routed a different way and that the side streets were flooded with cars. so I made my way through a back alley thinking I would avert the traffic but low and behold everyone else saw the empty alley and went down it. so I guess it was first for getting stuck in a traffic jam in alley. I made it out of the alley after 30 minutes and continued to work and saw that the police department had all the major streets and intersections closed off. and in the middle of all the roads was my building. so naturally I try to take another side street to slip passed the horrendous traffic but was stopped by a cop who was having none of my shenanigans. he told me, in no polite way, to get the hell back into traffic immediately, so I did and just headed home to work remotely.

the next day I find out that the reason for the bomb threat was because one of trump's cabinet appointees has an office in our building. hence the bomb threat - nice. anyway this has given me great pause to reflect on just why the hell I continue living in L.A. between the crushing traffic, the insane housing prices, the insane people, the heat, the taxes and the 40 minute wait at In-n-Out burger drive-thru! there is very little reason to be here, albeit those reasons are as big as they could be but I really need to get the hell out of here.

anyway on to happier news: it has been raining a lot in L.A, which is really good. I love the rain and wish it would rain every day. work is going good and I finally caught that crazy-ass rat in my kitchen the other night. man, those things are smart and strong. as I write this I'm hearing a tiny mouse nibbling on something in the corner of my room...this is actually becoming an issue. like I can honestly say I live in a rat infested apartment. wwweeee!!!

I want to talk about my dishes

I bought new dishes 6 months ago because I was using paper plates and plastic forks. I felt, being an adult, I should step up my game and so I bought a box with all the dishes.

They're all gone now. I don't know where they've gone to, but when I look in the cabinet to where I used to have them they are not there. I feel like they should be somewhere close like in the sink or in another cabinet, but they are not. I do not know where they are. It was gradual, like first the cups started going somewhere else, then the bowls.

But I'll be damned if I go back to buying paper plates and plastic forks again. The cashiers at the supermarket know something is up when they look at me. And they look at you like only a supermarket cashier can look at you. They make me feel a little bit insignificant about my existence on this planet. That look that says "oh goodie, another goddamn picnic".

So I won't be buying paper plates and plastic forks anymore; I'll just use my face.

2017

Oh yeah, it's 2017 and, I guess, I'm supposed to share my "goals" for the next 12 months. Well, ok, here they are:

1) I don't
2) know and
3) I don't
4) care
5) ;)

poetry in failure

I started watching the FX series Baskets tonight. I saw a billboard for it a long time ago but kept forgetting what it was until I heard an inteview about on NPR. that show is awesome very Bukowski-esque. and as I started watching it I realized my life is fucked up perfectly, not perfectly fucked-up, but fucked up perfectly. I think it was the scene where Baskets the clown just got a job at a rodeo and was laying in the dirt after getting hit by a bull. He was just laying there on the ground smoking a cigarette staring up in the sky and a single tear ran down his face. god that summed up a lot in my life. then when he crashes his scooter and he has to get around by roller blading everywhere (whilst smoking). so completely awesome. and so my life is very much like this in so many different ways.

for example like going to walmart last night and buying a new set of dishes. I've never in my life ever purchased dishes. ever. I've only ever used tupperware or paper plates. but for some reason last night I felt enough was enough. I was going to start living my life with dishes. so I found a enormous box that contained all the plates, bowls and cups. it was 34.99 for the set of 6 place settings. so I went to the checkout and realized I didn't have enough money to pay for this new magnifienct purchase of dishware, so I put it on my credit card. and on the ride home I'm thinking what a total failure I am in life, that at age 43 I have for the 1st time in my life purchased a box of dishware at walmart on a Saturday night and couldn't even afford it. god there is something beautiful about that...I have no idea what "that" is but I'm sure it's there somewhere. But after watching Baskets tonight I now understand that my lieft is fucked up perfectly.