today's a new year and I made the resolution to not make any resolutions. I'm just following my interest this year and let them take me where they will. for example, this blog. who knows if/when/how long I'll keep this going - I haven't made any commitments or set any goals and I love the way that feels. no pressure, no stress just follow my interests.
so today we stayed up in PV and watched the ball drop at 9 and then again at midnight. a beautiful and cool LA morning and you could see the Hollywood sign from 40 miles away. then drove around the beach and took pictures at the cliffs of PV. actually. I no longer notice the old surf board stub that used to stick out of the ground near the Bay Boys spot over by Paseo Del Mar. maybe somebody finally kicked it out of the ground or something. anyway, headed home for a while to watched my Vanners on youtube :-) nomadic fanatic, living free with Mike & Sober, wanderlust estates.
then headed back to pv and had dinner and went down to the newly remodeled del amo mall to hang out at Barnes & Noble. Discovered Tricycle magazine while I was there. going to check that out now
Friday, January 1, 2016
Thursday, December 31, 2015
11.31.2015
I found my old blog at jrs72.blogspot.com, but couldn't edit it anymore
because it's been 12 years since I touched it and I think they archived it. so I felt like getting back to that and so here I am 12 years later 400 miles away from where I last left off. I have no outline or plan for any of this.
this is just for words
my words
any words I feel like
I really just want to capture my life somewhere where I can look back and remember. this seems like a good place for that.
so today I worked, it's a thursday, new year's eve and my work didn't care enough to let people go early so people just kinda snuck out when the cost was clear.
I don't like work, like at all. I've been put into a conference room (called venti) with no windows. I sit in that goddamn room from 830 am - 6pm. I sit there with Richard, Naba, Ankit, Utsav, Kabul, Dan, Yana & Naveen. so 9 people sitting in 1 fucking room. and I haven't left why? god only knows. I guess I'm afraid I don't have the edge to get hired by another company. but that's not really it, honestly I still live in this fantasy where I'll become a writer and make a bunch of money and can quit my job, but I won't I'll just stay there and taunt everyone with my tardiness and early departure. I'll speak up in meetings and say the things everyone is so badly wanting to say. things like "god Barbara, that's a terrible idea maybe you should leave the ho-ho in your mouth after all". or "fuck me with your socks on! why in fuck's sake haven't you given me a goddamn comp day for the 16 hours of overtime I put in over the weekend". honestly, I probably just start telling people "no" a hell of a lot more. but that's work and I'm there 50 60 hrs week and it's not doing a goddamn thing for my sprituality or health or happiness. it's actually terrible to think about the self imprisonment like this. I willingly get myself up at a stupid ass time to sit in traffic for over an hour to walk my fat ass over to a room with no windows and 8 other dudes who hate each other to sit in meetings and do nothing but say yes to everyone about everything to not take a lunch or go outside to doing meaningless bullshit work for millionaires who decided each or collectively that giving their employers a few hours off on new year's eve would be a very bad idea for the business's bottom line.
I look back a my blog from 2004 and had a disdain for other people
I now hold that disdain for
myself
because now I understand people are lost and desperate, hurting and scared and do whatever they have to do to make it through the day. if they need to push people out of the way as they get off the elevator I completely understand that now. if they have to treat another person like a piece of shit, well I get that too.
life isn't an easy dress to fit into. it's not something that's going to catapult you down the sidewalk giggling with rainbows blasting out your ass. and it's sitting in a large leather chair, in the dark, waiting for you to do something, anything. most don't - I certainly don't (there's reasons for this, I'm working on it). and until you do, it's just going to keep flicking lit matches across the room at you. that's what life does, not always, but enough for you to stand up, walk over and karate chop that bitch in the windpipe.
it will be 2016 in 1 hour.
it is going to be the best fucking year of my life so far.
don't believe me?
just watch :-)
because it's been 12 years since I touched it and I think they archived it. so I felt like getting back to that and so here I am 12 years later 400 miles away from where I last left off. I have no outline or plan for any of this.
this is just for words
my words
any words I feel like
I really just want to capture my life somewhere where I can look back and remember. this seems like a good place for that.
so today I worked, it's a thursday, new year's eve and my work didn't care enough to let people go early so people just kinda snuck out when the cost was clear.
I don't like work, like at all. I've been put into a conference room (called venti) with no windows. I sit in that goddamn room from 830 am - 6pm. I sit there with Richard, Naba, Ankit, Utsav, Kabul, Dan, Yana & Naveen. so 9 people sitting in 1 fucking room. and I haven't left why? god only knows. I guess I'm afraid I don't have the edge to get hired by another company. but that's not really it, honestly I still live in this fantasy where I'll become a writer and make a bunch of money and can quit my job, but I won't I'll just stay there and taunt everyone with my tardiness and early departure. I'll speak up in meetings and say the things everyone is so badly wanting to say. things like "god Barbara, that's a terrible idea maybe you should leave the ho-ho in your mouth after all". or "fuck me with your socks on! why in fuck's sake haven't you given me a goddamn comp day for the 16 hours of overtime I put in over the weekend". honestly, I probably just start telling people "no" a hell of a lot more. but that's work and I'm there 50 60 hrs week and it's not doing a goddamn thing for my sprituality or health or happiness. it's actually terrible to think about the self imprisonment like this. I willingly get myself up at a stupid ass time to sit in traffic for over an hour to walk my fat ass over to a room with no windows and 8 other dudes who hate each other to sit in meetings and do nothing but say yes to everyone about everything to not take a lunch or go outside to doing meaningless bullshit work for millionaires who decided each or collectively that giving their employers a few hours off on new year's eve would be a very bad idea for the business's bottom line.
I look back a my blog from 2004 and had a disdain for other people
I now hold that disdain for
myself
because now I understand people are lost and desperate, hurting and scared and do whatever they have to do to make it through the day. if they need to push people out of the way as they get off the elevator I completely understand that now. if they have to treat another person like a piece of shit, well I get that too.
life isn't an easy dress to fit into. it's not something that's going to catapult you down the sidewalk giggling with rainbows blasting out your ass. and it's sitting in a large leather chair, in the dark, waiting for you to do something, anything. most don't - I certainly don't (there's reasons for this, I'm working on it). and until you do, it's just going to keep flicking lit matches across the room at you. that's what life does, not always, but enough for you to stand up, walk over and karate chop that bitch in the windpipe.
it will be 2016 in 1 hour.
it is going to be the best fucking year of my life so far.
don't believe me?
just watch :-)
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